No one wants to suffer. They simply
can't figure out how to make the pain stop. They don't know how to reject that indulging in their
addiction so willingly offers. Too often an inner deceptive voice
says, "What's the use, I'll never change." Lie.
And they tell
themselves next time they will be stronger and this will be their last.
Unfortunately sometimes it is their last of anything here on earth.
Addiction isn't the problem. The real problem is knowing how to deal with pain.
It's unresolved hurt and lack of understanding of what our value is. But
really, it's escape from pain. Then the addiction becomes a problem.
Shame keeps
us from reaching out. Shame keeps others from reaching in. And sometimes, we
simply have to let go and just love people until they are willing to help
themselves. But never
Remember we
all have our addictions. Some are simply more socially acceptable than
others. We all need help.
In
addition to relying on the Lord, seeking support from others can be helpful as
we face our loved ones’ addictions. We don’t need to suffer alone. Sharing our struggles may be an uncomfortable
and vulnerable experience. Many of us feel fearful or ashamed about our loved
ones’ addictions and do not want others to know about the problem. We may be
concerned that others will judge us or our loved ones. The one who is
struggling with addiction may ask that we not tell anyone, even ecclesiastical
leaders. However, it is acceptable and important to ask for the help we need or
desire.
The Lord will guide us to the support
we need. He has promised, “I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying
unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee” (Isaiah 41:13). God
often answers our prayers: God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it
is usually through another person that he meets our needs.” God has and will put people into our lives to
help us and support us during our trials.
What support or assistance do you feel
you need?
How will you seek support from others?
We may not always have a positive
experience as we reach out to others. While an individual may love us, they may
also be misinformed, misguided, or unable to help. However, a bad experience
should not deter us from finding the support we need. It is important to
consider what resources or individuals are appropriate sources of help, when
and how to share personal struggles with others, and how to use wisdom in
deciding what is safe to share. Some questions to consider include: Will the
person I’m sharing with be able to provide me with support? Will they have my
best interests at heart as well as those of my loved ones? Will they keep the
information confidential and be nonjudgmental?
What obstacles get in the way of you
seeking support?
Whom do you feel prompted to reach out
to for support?
Consider the
following as you reach out for comfort and support.
Family
Our families
have the potential to provide a tremendous source of love and support. One
reason the Lord has provided us with families is to listen and be available
when it feels like there is no one else. Trusted family members may provide the
validation and support we need to continue to face our challenges with
determination.
Friends
True friends
stand by us through difficult times. They listen to our problems and
experiences with understanding and love. They give us ideas and suggestions
that we may not think about. Genuine friends will tell us the truth even when
it is hard, and they will respect our agency and not tell us how to live our
lives.
Mentors
Those who
have been through experiences with addicted loved ones may provide valuable
insight and guidance. Though not everything that worked for them will work for
us, we can still learn from their experience. Their insight and understanding
can help us find greater healing and peace.
Support
Groups
Support group meetings can provide
confidential settings where people gather to share their faith and hope. Having
a safe place to share our feelings openly and honestly with others who
understand or who are going through similar challenges is a great blessing to
us.
Professional
Help
Many of us face
significant emotional challenges as we strive to find peace and healing. If
therapy is available, a compassionate therapist who is supportive of gospel
principles may help us face unresolved issues and view them with a new degree
of courage or perspective. Therapy is not necessary for everyone, but it may be
one helpful option to consider as we strive to find ultimate peace and healing
through the Savior.
"And I will pray the Father, and he shall
give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world
cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him;
for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you." Another translation goes
as follows: "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another
Counselor to be with you forever-the Spirit of truth" (John 14:16-17).
How would you feel if a spouse or a friend
said to you, "I think you need some counseling, and so I've arranged for
it. You start tomorrow; it'll probably take years"? Most of us would get
more than a little defensive. We may be prideful--"I
don't need any therapy, thank you very much". The fact that it's
become a profession-Freud and Prozac and all that--has kept most of us from
realizing that, in fact, we do need counseling. All of us. Christ sends us the Holy
Spirit as Counselor; that ought to make it clear. We apparently need quite a
lot of counsel. The Spirit isn't just stopping in to give us a tune-up; not
even an annual checkup. It has come to stay.
If only we "receive" it by being ready and watching for every
communication. Answers to guide us and
comfort will come.
What types of support have made the
biggest difference to you?
What kind of support WOULD make the
most difference in your life at this time?
How can you be a support to others passing
through similar difficulties?
Just knowing a doctrine intellectually is not what the
Bible means by knowing the truth. It's only when it reaches down deep into the
heart that the truth begins to set us free, just as a key must penetrate a lock
to turn it, or as rainfall must saturate the earth down to the roots in order
for your garden to grow.
"Behold, you desire
truth in the innermost being" (Ps. 51:6). Getting it there is the work of
the stream we'll call Counseling. Stream
of Counseling doesn't just flow to us directly from Christ. It flows through
his people as well. We need others-and need them deeply. Yes, Jesus speaks to us personally. But often
he works through another human being. We
are usually too close to our lives to see what's going on. Because it's our
story we're trying to understand, we sometimes don't know what's true or false,
what's real or imagined. We can't see the forest for the trees. It often takes
the eyes of someone else we can tell our story to--and bare our
soul. The more dire our straits, the more difficult it can be to hear directly
from God.
In every great story the hero or heroine must turn to
someone older or wiser for the answer to some riddle. Dorothy seeks the Wizard;
Frodo turns to Gandalf; and Luke is mentored by Obi Wan Kanobi.
Can you think of any other stories
where someone older or wiser is turned to for an answer?
It's said that prayer is our way of
contacting God and meditation is the means by which we get the reply. Prayer is
a way of contacting and tapping into higher spiritual knowledge, a connection
to higher realms. It's an interface in
which the small voice may be heard. We
give thanks or ask for miracles. Prayer is like talking to a good friend on the
phone, a reassuring happy time. The
difference is that unlike any human friend, the friend at the end of the
universal telephone line knows everything about us and all our secrets, so
there's no point in trying to hide anything.
It's easier to contact those who we pray to when
everyday thoughts don't crowd our minds and we can be still, for it is in
stillness that we can hear the voice. We
can ask questions, tell of our sorrows, joys, good things, funny things. What we truly wish to pray for often emerges
in the process of prayer itself.
Some people speak their prayers out
loud, others say them silently. Why not sing a prayer? Singing is an open activity. It opens the
heart…allows and even demands a flow--which tends to make things spontaneous
and honest. Prayer can take place
anywhere. Prayer should not be a duty, but something truly meant. The surest
way to enter the Sacred Heart is to give thanks earnestly for prayers that have
already been answered.
Can you think of a song that could
be a prayer for you?
We
may pray for an improvement in circumstances at the same time as believing we
don't deserve it. Nobody is so unworthy
that they cannot pray and accept what is given.
If unworthy feelings come, pray that help may be given to find a sense of
worth. Some find it difficult to receive without immediately feeling the need
to give the same in return, or they may find it difficult to accept advice or
wise comments. In prayer, we must be
receptive to blessings and answers.
Most
of us have been taught to pray by bowing our heads, closing our eyes, clasping
our hands and speaking with “thee” and “thou.” Much of this outward appearance comes from
the Protestant traditions of the past. Some have found the following to be
helpful…to kneel when possible, look up to God and have palms open. At times it
is appropriate to raise our arms as we express our love to Him. Perhaps sit on the ground so that we can pray longer without feet
falling asleep. We can obviously pray anywhere: in the car, the shower, driving
to work, at a party, everywhere. Why does it even matter what our body is doing
when we pray? Only to the extent that it reflects our hearts. Use thees and
thous if that feels more holy. For some it may be different. We can
speak vocally or in our minds. Vocal prayers evoke the heart more and help to
reach out. Everything we do is a sign to God of our intentions.
Personal Learning and Application
Keep
a journal of your thoughts, feelings, insights, and plans to implement what you
learn. As the needs and circumstances in your life change, repeating these
answers will provide you with new insights.
Go back to the questions in the chapter.
Write your answers. Each time you
go through a chapter, your answers might change.
1. Study the following scripture. 1 Samuel
20:16–17 Write about what it advises us
to do.
2. In what ways could someone who has been
through a similar situation to yours help you?
3.
Who do you know that has been through a similar situation that you could
turn to?
4. What
sources of support are available to you? What do you feel prompted to do?
5. Ask to be the answer to someone
else's prayer. Think how another may be
the answer to your own prayers. Pray
for another.
Write about the result.
6. We can create a spiritual haven
so we can have a special place to focus.
It is certainly not necessary, but many people find it helps with
focus. Start by cleaning the area thoroughly. Focus on the divine and imagine beautiful
colored lights, all the colors in white light streaming into the room. You can play uplifting music… Open the windows, say a small prayer. You can have a small table or a solid box,
perhaps with a beautiful, clean cloth.
Perhaps a sacred or beautiful picture, a plant, flowers, crystals,
stones, or a bunch of herbs, candles, or a candle warmer with essential
oils. Keep negative energies away, no TV
or phone nearby.
Write about what you would like to do.
Did it make a difference?
7. When we
listen to someone else’s pain, anguish, grief, story of loss, we’re engaging in
an act of love. It’s rare to hear people listen to each other anymore. We whip off our emails and texts so we can
always be talking to someone. But, how
much do we remember about what we said and heard each day. How present were we? If you can’t answer these questions clearly,
then you’ve been using chattering as a medication to calm anxiety and fear.
Write about what you remember from a
conversation with someone you were listening to.
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