We may find ourselves impatient for
change to occur because we are anxious to stop hurting. Our loved ones may choose
not to change. They may struggle with having the motivation to change, may
relapse, and may continue to be tempted. While we need to allow them time and
space to change and repent, we do not tolerate abusive behavior in any
form No matter our situation, we can
actively hope and pray.
As we try to make sense of our difficult situation, we may speculate why
and how our loved ones became addicted. We may feel we are somehow responsible.
As parents, we may worry about what we could have done differently. As spouses,
we may wonder if we failed to meet the needs of our husband or wife and ask
ourselves such questions as “Am I not good enough?” and “What more could I have
done?” When things do not turn out well, we are tempted to blame ourselves.
This type of thinking may lead us to improperly feel responsible for other
people’s choices, resulting in undeserved guilt and despair.
How can faith help us heal even if our loved ones fail to maintain recovery?
How can faith help us heal even if our loved ones fail to maintain recovery?
A vital element is the principle of
agency—the ability and privilege to make our own choices. As we study and
understand this principle, the Spirit will testify to us that we are not the
cause of our loved ones’ addiction. While the exact reason for their addiction may
be complex, they are responsible for the choices they make. They are likely to
make bad choices when dealing with their addictions. Part of the process of
recovery and healing is to make mistakes but to take full responsibility for
their decisions. Our success and happiness in life is not be measured by
how other people choose to exercise their agency.
Have you felt responsible in some way
for your loved one’s poor choices? If so, how has this affected you?
Our loved one’s addiction may impact
how we see ourselves and how we see life. We may begin to define ourselves by
our experience with their addiction, as it can sometimes seem all encompassing.
We may feel powerless because we have little control over the consequences of
those choices. We can use our agency to better our situation and make righteous
choices regardless of our circumstances.
It is important to remember who we are and why we are here on
earth. God is not only our Ruler and Creator, but also our Heavenly Father. No matter what is happening in our lives, we
can focus on the eternal stability of His love for us. This is where our
process of healing begins. In the midst of our trials, as we turn our hearts to
our Father in Heaven, His love and the healing power of His Son’s Atonement can
help us gain courage and hope.
What are some things we can do to
strengthen our relationship with God?
God said "Be still and know that I AM God." God speaks as I AM and calls himself I AM. The
2nd commandment admonishes not to take the name of God in vain. By His own words, He was specifically
referring to the words I AM. He was
instructing the people in the power of I AM and how anything attached to it
contains the power of the name. Whatever is named becomes manifest.
Therefore, it is perilous to use the words I AM carelessly or attached to
anything negative. A commonplace misuse
of that power would be to say--"I am unhappy". Such a statement invariably calls forth more
unhappiness. If people say I am weak, poor, depressed, afraid, sick,
addicted and so on, they continue to attract that in their life. Far better to acknowledge any situation and
follow up with I AM going to do something about it. Observe language and thought patterns around
the words I AM. Regularly
take inventory on thoughts and words.
Notice how many ideas were originally suggested by well-meaning others, dating
all the way back to childhood, up to and including today.
Feelings are often hurt or there is upset or anger about something that
happens or what someone says. These moments bring negative beliefs to the
surface that are untrue and become fuel for any addiction in us. In most of us, they boil down to "I am
unlovable, I am invisible, I am wrong, I am worthless, I am a bad parent, bad
spouse, or I am an addict." The list goes on and on.
Bring
speech habits fully into consciousness so that there is intentional respect for
the higher power of I AM. Such phrases as: I can't help it, I've always been that way, I am hard wired that way are
statements about the past. Phrases such
as I don't deserve prosperity, I am
unlucky, Things never work out for me, I am unhealthy and cannot be healed are
often what we don't want . Jesus showed us how to use the words I AM: ”the
door" "the good
shepherd" "bread of life"
"light of the world" "way, truth and light" "true vine" "Alpha and Omega", beginning and
end" "resurrection and the
life" and so forth.
Circumstances
don't have to dictate how we think about something. We have a choice of what we think. We can select a different thought. When
experiencing discomfort or sadness, rather than trying to change the thought, just put it back onto the conveyor belt and
select a different thought. Keep doing this until a thought is selected
that allows good feelings and there is no more self-condemnation for creating
unhappy thoughts. This is what can enable us to choose happiness and follow
God's plan. Some replacement
possibilities include: I am capable, I am
strong, I am free from all unhealthy
cravings, I am happy. I AM supremely grateful for all my blessings. I AM a son
or daughter of God.
The
apostle Paul informs us that hardness of heart is behind all the addictions and
evils of the human race (Rom. 1:21-25). Oswald Chambers writes, "It is by
the heart that God is perceived [known] and not by reason . . . so that is what
faith is: God perceived by the heart." This is why God tells us in
Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring
of life." He knows that to lose heart is to lose everything. Sadly, most
of us watch the oil level in our car more carefully than we watch over the life
of our heart.
No matter how difficult it is for us
and no matter how relief is sought by our loved ones—through a professional
therapist, doctor, ecclesiastical leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved
one— those solutions will never provide a complete answer. The final healing
comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with a broken heart and
a contrite spirit and obedience to His commandments.
Do what God asks: Strip ourselves of
jealousies and fears, humble ourselves before God. Offer what He asks: a broken
heart and contrite spirit. That sanctifies us because we disconnect from this
place and connect to heaven. Humility qualifies us before God more than
anything. It is our sincere
apprehension of just how weak, how vulnerable, and how easily distracted we
are.
The impediment is the pride of our hearts, the hardness of our hearts, the
self-reliance we think we have, the traditions that bind us down, the arrogance of our hearts,
the unwillingness to cry out mightily to God, and then to be open to receiving an answer.
What is a broken heart and a contrite
spirit?
When
we become wise, we respect our bodies, our minds, our souls. Our lives become controlled by our hearts,
not our heads. We no longer sabotage ourselves,
our happiness or our own love. We no
longer carry guilt and blame…all the beliefs that make us unhappy, that push us
to struggle in life, that make life difficult, just vanish.
Once we surrender to God, there is no
longer a struggle, no resistance, no suffering.
Suffering is nothing but resistance to God. The more we resist, the more we suffer. God has come to tell us…to be aware, to make
a choice, to have the courage to work through all our fears and change them, so we are no longer afraid of love.
What obstacles— including attitudes and
feelings—keep us from giving away “all sins” and more fully receiving the Spirit of
the Lord?
In one of the
greatest invitations ever offered to man, Christ stood up amid the crowds in
Jerusalem and said, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will
flow from within him" (John 7:37-38). If we aren't aware of our soul's
deep thirst, his offer means nothing. It
was from the longing of our hearts that most of us first responded to Jesus.
Somehow, years later, we assume he no longer calls to us through the thirst of
our heart.
The question lodged deep in our hearts,
hidden from our conscious minds, is: "Do you care for me, God?"
What's under that question is our personal
stories, often punctuated by Arrows of hurt and pain: parents who were
emotionally absent; bedtimes without words or hugs; ears that were too big and
noses that were too small; others chosen for playground games while we were
not; and prayers about all these things seemingly met with silence. And
embedded in our stories, deep down in our heart, is a place so well guarded
that it has rarely if ever been exposed to the light of day. There are other
grief-laden and often angry questions: "God, why did you allow this to
happen to me? Why did you make me like this? What will you allow to happen
next?"
In the secret places of our heart, we believe
God is the One who did not protect us from these things or even the One who
perpetrated them upon us. Our questions about him make us begin to live with a
deep apprehension that clings anxiously to the depths of our hearts . . .
"Do you really care for me, God?"
This question
has shipwrecked many of our hearts, leaving them grounded on reefs of pain and
doubt, no longer free to accompany us on spiritual pilgrimage. We might be able
to rationalize away that question by telling ourselves that we need to be more
careful, or that sometimes others are just bad. We can even breathe a sigh of
relief when we realize that trouble has come from our own sin. But, still the
Arrows seem to strike us out of nowhere. What are we to make of God's wildness
in allowing these things to happen?
Have you had arrows strike you out
of nowhere?
Have you ever asked "Why
Me"?
The Lord works from the inside out.
The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the
slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out
of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ
changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human
behavior, but Christ can change human nature. May we be convinced that Jesus is
the Christ, choose to follow Him, be changed for Him, captained by Him,
consumed in Him, and born again.
Let
us close with a plea or prayer inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz in "Mastery of
Love":
We pray that we can open our hearts and open
our eyes so we can enjoy all your creations and live in eternal love with you.
Let
us love ourselves without judgment, because when we judge, we carry blame and
guilt, we have the need for punishment and we lose the perspective of your
love.
Help us to love ourselves so much that we
forgive anyone who has ever hurt us. Help
us to create new channels of communication in our relationships so there is no
war of control, no winner or loser.
Help us to enjoy our life, our relationships, to explore life, to take risks, to be alive, and to no longer live in fear of love. Let us open our heart to the love that is our birthright.
Help us to enjoy our life, our relationships, to explore life, to take risks, to be alive, and to no longer live in fear of love. Let us open our heart to the love that is our birthright.
What kind of experiences
might facilitate a "change of heart"?
Personal Learning and Application
Keep
a journal of your thoughts, feelings, insights, and plans to implement what you
learn. As the needs and circumstances in your life change, repeating these
answers will provide you with new insights.
Go back to the questions in the chapter.
Write your answers. Each time you
go through a chapter, your answers might change.
1. List some of your character weaknesses, and
next to them list the strengths they may become as you come unto Christ.
2. As you study the scriptures listed below,
prayerfully consider how you can apply the principles they teach. Write about them.
Psalm 82:6 (We are gods, children of
the Most High)
Acts 17:29 (We are the offspring of
God)
3. Can you think of any negative "I
AM" statements that you have subscribed to in the past? Can you see how
this might be "taking the Lord's name in vain"?
Write down some positive "I AM"
statements.
4. In your scripture study, see if you can find
instances where someone experiences a "mighty change of heart." Write about them. Have you had experiences where you definitely
felt a change of heart?
No comments:
Post a Comment