We should be prayerful as we consider
ways to serve, seeking always to be led by the Holy Ghost. If we are willing, there
are many opportunities to share the spiritual principles we have learned. Give freely, not expecting a particular
result. Respect the agency of others. Remember that most addicts had to “hit
bottom” before they were ready to study and apply the principles of recovery.
The same will be true for most of those who desire to help.
We support our loved ones in
righteousness by reinforcing their efforts to come unto Christ and recover from
their addiction. When they make poor choices that result in severe
consequences, it is natural to want to protect them from those consequences. We
discussed consequences previously, but are reviewing it again because of the
importance. We may try to repair the damage ourselves and make restitution in
their behalf. In some instances our help can be very beneficial and even
lifesaving. However, be careful not to
support them in their addiction or enable them to commit sin. If we fall into a
trap of consistently rescuing them, we may hinder their recovery and delay them
from turning to the Lord for help.
Experiencing the negative consequences of
their actions can help our loved ones determine to change. We are all accountable for our own words,
deeds, and thoughts. We cannot remove their accountability for
their actions. Only by repentance and obedience to the commandments can they be
healed, receive forgiveness for their mistakes, and stand uprightly before the
Lord.
How can you determine if you are
really supporting your loved one in recovery, rather than enabling misbehavior?
Again, we speak of the importance of
support and encouragement. Our loved ones face many trials in their efforts to
recover. They may feel broken, defective, and unworthy of God’s love and our
love. They can lose hope that they will ever be clean again or recover from
their addiction. In order to change, they need hope for the future and
reassurance that they are worth the required effort needed to change. Our role
isn’t to recover for them but to encourage and love them as they work toward
recovery. Expressing our faith in the Savior and supporting their honest
efforts can help them progress toward recovery.
The Savior is the perfect example of
support and encouragement. He was “filled with compassion” toward those around
him. Compassion means to feel love and
mercy toward another person. It means to have sympathy and desire to relieve
the suffering of others. It means to show kindness and tenderness toward
another. When we are compassionate, we
strive to understand the shame or despair our loved ones may feel and consider
all the efforts they are making. Compassion doesn’t mean we support their poor
choices or excuse their behavior.
How can we express our compassion?
Our loved ones are the ones
responsible for their recovery, and they may not yet be ready for our support.
In some cases, they might even reject or resent our efforts to help. We may
feel discouraged and powerless when we watch them continue in addiction. But we
can still love them and pray for them. We can support them in appropriate ways.
The Lord uses our prayers and faith to bless them.
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| Art by Robert Nelson |
How can we respond to a loved one who
does not seem ready or willing to accept our support?
When our challenges seem overwhelming
or our situation seems hopeless, we can find spiritual renewal in giving
service to others. Service provides an opportunity to look beyond our personal
difficulties or challenges. Of course, we can’t serve everyone, and we should
be careful not to run faster than we have strength However, even the simplest acts can bless and
encourage others—and lift our own spirits. Helping others is also one way we
show our love and appreciation to our Heavenly Father and the Savior. Often, a
way of simple service is to let someone else do service for us. It may be more challenging to allow someone
the gift of letting them give service.
Can you think of any examples of
simple service in letting someone assist us?
Jesus established a whole new way of
relating to God. He often reclined at meals with people; He stopped along the
road to chat; He touched them, embraced them. He called
them by name, and they
him. Jesus is always closing the distance. The encounters in the Gospels are
intimate. Healing people…doing service, all intimate. There is often an element of surprise, and
yet, however He acts turns out to be exactly what was needed in the moment. Oh,
His brilliance shines through, but never blinding, never overbearing. He is not
glistening white marble. He is the playfulness of creation and utter goodness,
the generosity of the ocean and the ferocity of a thunderstorm; the gladness of
sunshine and the humility of a thirty-mile walk by foot on a dirt road. Why do we feel we must push him off a bit with reverent language and
lofty tones? Of course, much of it is done with good intention, by men and
women who want to honor Christ. Just like Peter. But the irony is, that isn’t
how God chose to relate to us.
In all these stories, every encounter, we have
watched love in action. Love as strong as death; a blood, sweat, and tears
love, not a get-well card. You learn a great a deal about the true nature of a
person in the way they love, why they love, and, in what they love.
Doing things for God is not the same thing as
loving God. Jesus loves the poor—so, movements have arisen that make service to
the poor the main thing. Even though Jesus never said that being poor was more
noble or even spiritual. The latest craze is justice—so we rush off to the
corners of the globe to fight for justice and leave Jesus behind. We actually
come to think that service for Jesus is friendship with him. That’s like a
friend who washes your car and cleans your house but never goes anywhere with
you—never comes to dinner, never wants to take a walk, never talks.
We are not meant to merely love the Savior's teaching,
or his morals, or His kindness or His social reforms. We are meant to love the
man himself, know Him intimately; keep this as the first and foremost practice
of our lives. It is a fact that people many people devoted to the work of the
Lord actually spend the least amount of time with Him. The more time we can spend with Him, the more
receptive we will be to know how we can serve.
Personal Learning and Application
Keep
a journal of your thoughts, feelings, insights, and plans to implement what you
learn. As the needs and circumstances in your life change, repeating these
answers will provide you with new insights.
Go back to the questions in the chapter.
Write your answers. Each time you
go through a chapter, your answers might change.
1. How has serving others helped you bear your
own challenges and struggles?
2. What
opportunities do you have to serve?
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